carpe diem quam minimum credula postero

Seize the day and place no trust in tomorrow.

What if tommorow never came?

It was around this time of year, back in 1995 that my grandfather (grampy), John W. Craig passed away. I grew up in a trailer on his farm not far from where I live now. In fact, I drive by it everyday and it saddens me to see the farm being turned into a sub-division. I miss grampy dearly and think of him often and how fortunate I was to have lived so close to my grandparents. My father, who was a long haul truck driver for most of my life asked me once who my father was. My response was "Grampy".

Now that I'm older, I realize that I could have spent so much more time with him. Getting to know him and learn from him. But it is too late now. Towards the end, his mind started to go. He would talk and sometimes it did not make sense. Some family seemed to shy away or apologize for him when he was like this. That saddened me. I remember sitting at his kitchen table as he was rambling, and his eyes.......

His eyes had life in them. I believe he still had his mind, it just would not work for him. I saw love, anger and frustration in those eyes. I think he knew what he wanted to say, but could not. And I am sure he knew he was scaring people, making them uneasy to be around him. I cannot remember what he was saying back then, but I listened and I think he liked that. I do remember what was going through my head. I was mad at myself for not listening to him sooner. Why is it that we wait until it is too late to listen, to speak, to love, to forgive?

Grampy, I love you and miss you. I hope you are proud of me.

You would think that after he passed away, I would realized how short life is, and how little time we really have with one another. Especially someone who has 65- 70 years on you. In January of '02, I was living in Ontario. I came home for a visit. Just by chance, I met my great-grandmother in town as she was there for a doctor's appointment. I spoke to her for a few minutes and that was it. I thought to myself that the next time I am home, I will have to visit her.

She died a few weeks later. I was back in Ontario. I feel grateful for that chance encounter, and resentful that I did not take full advantage of it. How much I could have learned from these two people would probably be immeasurable.

We only have one life. And it could end at any time. If there is something you need to say, do, create.......do it.

I need to go talk to my grandmother (my above mentioned grandfather's wife). I think I will take a recorder.

-Scott